Frozen emotion.

i never feel colder
than when i'm talking to you. i don't know what this says about us.
but i know that i worry about the way
you complicate something as simple as
the beating of my heart. i don't think
i love you. not yet. not since. not
ever but maybe that's just the strong sense of denial i've built up in the
past few months. i don't think i'll be
okay. not now. not really. not quite. maybe you were good for me once
but you're no good for me now. i often wonder what would happen if i
stopped speaking for awhile since all
my words ever do is make a mess out of
things that should be easy. the thing is
that when i'm happy i let myself write
a better story than what i have. i get carried away and i make believe myself
to be a more lovable character than i'll
ever be. but this isn't fiction and the
fact is sometimes all we get is one
perfect moment. my moment was you. but when it's over babe, it's over.
there are no chances left. not anymore. i don't really think i'm hopeless even
though most days, that's all i feel. i
can't get over this idea that has been
growing in my head. out of control and
straight from my heart that all of this
would be different if you met me before everything happened. but i know it's
not
true because that's not the guy i am
suppose to be. not the guy i can be.
but i second guess and imagine and
dream such stupid things that i'm not over it
yet. i'm not over this. i'm not. but i will be. someday. i can be better
than all of this. somehow. i promise.